Through My Eyes
by Purple Wolf Girl
Summary: Rae's POV. When Robin accidentally finds something he shouldn't have, he calls Raven up to the roof. Emotions are released, and some secrets should never be revealed...RaexRob.ONESHOT


Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans, but I'm not complaining.

Through My Eyes...

Full Summary: Rae's POV. I have always tried to hide my feelings away from him and the rest of the world. One day, I couldn't do that anymore. Robin had picked up something he shouldn't have, and now I have to face him. It isn't a great feeling and I feel ill. But when I turn my head, I'll get the medicine I need. RobxRae. (My first Robrae)

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I blink my violet eyes. Another day has come, and the sun has managed to squeeze through a crack in the wall. My room is always pitch black, and that's the way I like it. Matter of fact, I like everything black. My room, my life, my personality, and my bird. That bird is holding me in a cage, and I don't really like looking at life through metal wiring. I am a bird myself, but the other bird is free. Whether its his attitude or his charming smile, he is just _too _free. I miss the old him. He has never exactly been a happy kid. His parents had attempted one last tight rope act before falling to their graves, and he was very young then. I am only one who knows that fact. I had looked at the world through his eyes once. It was dark and tragic, but so...so beautiful. He has always been a bit of a free spirit. Robin isn't afraid to take on any challenge, no matter how dangerous. I admire him for that. And I admire him for many things, but most reasons are not acceptable between friends.

Robin has changed from how I had once known him. Ever since he has met and devolved a deep friendship with the alien princess, he has perked up. I, on the other hand, am not always in a very perkful mood. I regret never taking a chance with him and letting Starfire tie his heart around her waist instead. But I'm better off without a man. I have unstable emotions that are terribly destructive, and putting Robin in the spotlight of that situation isn't really what I want to do. I honestly have considered Beast boy as my companion. I have been in love with him once, but for a very short period of time. Besides, he is more of a little brother and I don't want to put him in a deathly situation either. I don't want to put anyone there. Being a demon with a Father who tried to destroy me...is not easy. It doesn't sound easy, and it isn't easy to play the part.

I narrow my eyebrows dangerously. A batch of tofu eggs are laid carelessly on the edge of my bed. Beast boy put them there, no doubt. I keep getting a feeling that the green kid is trying to reach out to me. Ever since Terra had...become a stone sculpture, Beast boy has taken a certain interest in me. But I don't want Beast boy. I just want Robin. I know that Beast boy would balance me out well, but maybe I need someone that is similar to my own personality. Looking in a mirror can be amusing, and maybe that was what I needed; amusement. Robin is frightfully similar in many ways, and I actually find that mirror move quality...attractive. Perhaps Starfire is too perky for his liking and I have a chance at him. Then again, maybe Starfire's happy disposition is just what he needs. You never know until you ask or at least try, but our relationship could become awkward if I were to tell Robin what I really thought of him. Three little words can go a long way, or they can back fire and smack you in the face. Maybe a good taste of reality is the ingredient I am missing.

I march across my room angrily. The curtains are still draped over the windows, but the sun still maneges to peer through. I glance at myself in a cracked mirror that hangs on my wall. Robin had accidentally slammed his fist into it once when Beast boy and Cyborg had decided to take an adventure into my room to see if I had a diary or not. The answer to their curiosity was "no". Robin had followed them into my room, and freaked out when he saw that they were digging through my dresser. His fist started to wave around wildly, and he ended up slamming his muscle into my glass reflection unexpectedly. The boys had made a quick exit out of the room and had never even dared to go near it unless they had to use the broom closet...which was pretty often since Starfire had started cooking and the oven started sending splatters across the kitchen floor. I have kept that mirror in memory of Robin's rare clumsiness.

I like having Robin's presence near me. Usually it is near Starfire, but on the rare occasions its centered around me, it is quite pleasant. He's mysterious and kind. His aura is comfortable and it calms me down whenever I need contentment to come into my life. When we were nearing the "end of the world", Robin had taken my hands in his own. I loved that feeling. Although his fingers were gloved and surrounded in a green fabric, I could still tell they were soft. I really miss that time. He had been fiercely determined to save me. Not Barbara. Not Starfire. Just me. And I am fond of that feeling. That whole period of time, it was just us two birds. He had carried me and tended to my every need. When I was aware and sure that the end of the world was really over, I darted over to him and gave him the best bear hug that I could. He had smiled boyishly and placed a hand on my back tenderly. For once in my life, I felt complete. Robin is the last piece to my puzzle, and I have to fit him in somehow.

My sad eyes turn away from the mirror. I know Robin has left a scar there, and it is leaving a scar on me. I don't want to clean another cut. I have already had my share of emotional issues. Robin doesn't need to dump more poisonous affections on me. But my black heart can't take any more of his feelings being a unknown fact. Robin isn't expressive in any area, but maybe I can make him say something...anything that hinted at who he really loved. It could be Babs or Starfire or me. Or maybe it was some random girl. But I have to know. Things can't stay locked up in a safe forever. You'll have to pick the lock at one point or another.

But not every lock can be broken.

Doesn't mean you can't try.

I sigh to myself. How dare I even try to consider the thought of being Robin's girl? Surely Starfire was. She always had seemed to be. But then again, Robin might just be trying to be nice and he really wasn't interested. But me and every other person on the planet Earth noticed their relationship. Perhaps it was just puppy love...or the real deal. Well, whatever it is, it scares me. I want Robin, but every other girl wants him, too. Why can't I be in love with Beast boy? He doesn't exactly have any overly populated fan clubs...

But I don't love or want Beast boy or Cyborg or anyone else. Just Robin. I have never really been in love before. It feels strange and cold. My heart sinks obediently every time I hear Robin's name. Even when I hear a real robin sing in the trees it sent shivers down my spine. Seeing Robin talking to any other girl is like a dagger every time. I didn't really even realize I had fallen for my leader until I noticed him looking at me differently...and more often. His lips would gain a small smile when he looked at me. He smiled at many people, but the stare he gave to me seemed to be different. It was gentle and understanding. I never really understood why he only looked at me that way. Maybe there was something funny about the way I looked, or maybe he just felt the same way. Or so I hoped.

I really want Robin. I really love him. Robin is so perfect, and I am...not. I'm half demon and half Azarathean. I have not one drop of human DNA running through my veins. But, you know, I'm sort of happy about that. Being human would have been harder for me. My emotion loss is an advantage for me, actually. An average teenage girl would fall to pieces when she knows that the guy she wants is most likely taken. But...I suppose if you really want me to be honest, I am falling to pieces and I make no sense whatsoever without him. But I swear that I will not cry or complain. There are plenty other fish in the sea. I'm in a small school of them now, but one day I'll swim to the other side of the ocean, and I'll find a good catch. Maybe not as good as Robin, but perhaps I'll be close enough. Or maybe I just won't get anyone. Maybe I'm better off away from the male population. And maybe not...

Three words can make the world a better place. But when you actually get to saying them, you choke on those words. I guess that maybe they're nice words or whatever, but personally, I find them deadly. The day I was born, I was marked with a curse. I don't have a cure. And surely I'm not selfish enough to take Robin's affections away from the world and put him in danger.

...right?

Or not. I can't really trust myself and I can't exactly make myself his safety guard. I'm certain that even Slade could protect him better than I could. Unstable emotions wouldn't win any award. And, well, they aren't safe. That's probably why Robin never flirts with me. Or perhaps it was just because he isn't the "Flirting Type"...whatever that is. Robin has never been forward and has never ever dared to kiss a girl. I sort of wish he had tried to kiss me, though. I can't believe I'm thinking of him like that, but I don't think that I can control my feelings at this point. Reality isn't really knocking on my door loudly enough, but I'm sure it would if I made a move. Then again, I'm not the forward type, either.

Sometimes I feel like there is someone else trying to escape from the prison that I call my heart. That voice is always scolding me when I sit there and watch him without even blinking. I just can't take my eyes off him. He's beautiful. That's all I can do to describe him. Occasionally, I wonder why I've never asked him what he thinks of Starfire. Probably because he might say something that will shatter my frame. This feeling I'm getting is like nothing else I've felt before. Malchior was finding a way into my affection, yes. But I think that Robin has already made it in there. I'm not sure when, and I'm not sure how, but I know that he did it one way or another.

His smile could melt any girl...even me. And I'm not one to melt like snow when the sun comes out. He can be obsessive and tend to be protective, but so can I. And I'm perfectly alright with that. Robin really is my Superman. He's swept me off my feet and flown me somewhere that is a paradise I could have never imagined without him. I know I sound like a really cheesy love song, but its how I feel. That song won't get out of my head. But it has a bittersweet melody. I love music as long as it doesn't involve my heart getting broken. Robin isn't breaking my heart. He may be toying with it, accidentally, but there's a fine line between dropping glass and just tossing it back an forth innocently.

I guess that maybe I should try to accept the realization that I'm in love and get on with my life. But its not that easy, especially when you know that your interest may not be having any interest in you. I should ask. But will I? Of course not! I can't go up to Robin and randomly say: "I love you.". I mean, I could, but I won't. Starfire loves him, and she's my best friend, and I really don't want to crush her. She's very naive and doesn't really understand what a shackled sensation is. I do. Seeing myself without Robin by my side in the mirror every morning is very disturbing to me. Maybe I'm just confusing my feelings with the truth. Well, whatever this mess is, I don't have the supplies to clean it up.

We're a team. And we're all in this together. If Robin and I just _happened_ to hook up, the team would probably fall apart piece by piece. Starfire would be the first to go, followed by Beast boy and then Cyborg. Robin and I would be left alone. Not that I'd complain, but I love my friends dearly and don't want to lose them over a silly infection of a minor relationship. I've never had someone know me as well or been as good for me as Robin. And I was really lonely before I joined the titans and met bird boy. I finally found what I've been looking for, and...its terrifying. It truly is. I never had the faintest idea of what the perfect man was. Now that I do, I'm frozen in place. My feet won't move and my amethyst eyes won't even shift away from him. I have a cold and yet still warm feeling embracing me whenever he is near, and I can only hope that he feels the same way.

This fact is dawning on me today. It should be something other than painful. I personally don't like to dance around something to keep it from shattering. But if I can keep everyone including myself sane, jumping and twirling doesn't sound like as much of a form of torture. I do feel like I'm in a dark chamber when I notice him smiling and laughing with Starfire. I've seen them hold hands and I'm aware of the fact that they were alone when we were all stranded. God only knows what they were doing. But judging from the frown of disappointment on Starfire's face and Robin's gentlemanly disposition, I'm guessing nothing drastic. I remember Starfire telling me about how he had almost said something but had never gotten to the end of his sentence. I can't describe how twisted that felt when I heard about how he had held her in his arms numerous times and held her hands. He held _my_ hands. He cupped _my _fingers. Robin...couldn't have actually held her hands and smiled like she described. He was supposed to do that to _me. _Not _her_. I shouldn't care and be so defensive about it. But I am and I do care. I think that I deserve something other than a broken mirror and a box of memories.

I guess I really am selfish.

I never would have guessed that. Robin is making me insane. I used to be so calm and content, but now I'm about ready to rip my hair out. "_Demons don't date birds_." That's a joke Beast boy spat when he finally gathered enough common sense to realize that I had fallen for my leader. I don't think he too terribly ecstatic when he figured that out. In fact, he locked himself in his room for five hours, but its fortunate that he never babbled about it. I was sure that he would tell Starfire, Cyborg, or Robin. But he didn't. I was thankful for that. Its a touchy subject for both me and Beast boy. We'll get through it. I used to think of the green kid as a pest and a total moron, but you know, he's truly turned out to be one of my best friends. Just. Friends. I want Robin to be more than that. That might not happen, though. If it doesn't, I'll make it through. By the odd chance that we actually do end up together as a couple, I'll break free and soar.

As I step out of my cold shower, the towel encircles my petite body. Its warm and comforting, unlike all the mixed emotions I've been feeling. I'm teetering on a scale between venom and satisfying myself...which will be like venom, anyway. But I'm starting to wonder if Robin is immune to my curse. That would be great if he was. But I still don't want to put Starfire or anyone else through a tunnel of disappointment and black hearts. But...maybe they're immune to things like that too.

I slip my dark leotard on with my cape joining my body soon after. My shoulders slouch a bit from the weight of my thick cape fabric, but I think that perhaps I've become stronger and I shouldn't allow something so weak weigh me down. I've been through many rough obstacles in my life. There have been no blocks that I haven't been able to break...until now. Obstacle Robin is harder than cement. And I might be strong, but not strong enough to ram through cinder blocks. Or am I?

I don't exactly know myself anymore.

The living room door slips open and my view is the usual; Beast boy getting his rear kicked by Cyborg at video games, Starfire is chasing Silkie with a basket of sparkling ribbons and-...this isn't normal. Robin's sitting at the counter sipping on a glass of orange juice and glaring at a watch. And Starfire isn't next to him. And he isn't holding her hand. Did they have a fight? I know I want Robin and Starfire to not be a couple, but I never wanted them to fight...

"Boo-ya! Go Cy! Go Cy! Get FUNKY!"

I shake my head as Cyborg twirls around in a circle and Beast boy simply pouts and builds up his temper.

"Boys." I mumble. Starfire still continues to chase our mutant worm, not even noticing I'm alive. Robin, on the other hand, looks up at me immediately. He almost drops his juice and stops looking at his watch. And his expression is..strange. He's looking at me curiously. I'm not really sure if he's mad or just generally confused. The pulp in his orange juice dances in the cup a bit as the ground shakes, due to Beast boy turning into a rhino and charging a Cyborg who is now sweat-dropping and running for his life. Yup. Just the average morning. Except for Robin's icy stare, that is. I walk forward to Robin and join him at the counter. He forces a smile...and its the kind he always gives to Starfire.

"Hey." he greets.

I place myself in a chair next to him. "Hi." He sips the last drop of juice.

"Can we...talk?" he asks, charmingly.

"Um..sure." I blink.

"Alright." he grunts. "Meet me on the roof in a minute."

He stands up to his full height and darts up to the top of the tower. And all I can do is wonder why.

**Roof...**

There he is. The wind is tossing his hair around playfully and his leg is dangling off the edge of the roof dangerously. I often wonder where he gets the guts to hang his leg off the edge of a building with twenty stories. I guess it comes naturally. I could do the same trick, but I can levitate. He is human, but he's an extraordinary boy, and you can never underestimate his possibilities. I open my mouth to speak, and somehow he knows that.

"I found something in Beast boy's journal."

My heart practically stops. "Why were you looking in there?"

He stands up once again, and places his hand on my shoulder. "I was just walking through the hallways, and I spotted a black book on the floor," he explains, calmly. "I figured that it was one of your books, and I guess I just decided to look inside, figuring that it was poetry or something..."

"But it wasn't my book." I drone.

"Mmm-hmm." he hums. "Instead I flipped open a page with a entry...about us."

"_Us?_"

"Yeah. And...I really need to talk to you about that entry."

"Er...what was the entry exactly?"

"It said that you love me."

My heart really stopped.

"Raven, is that...true?" Robin inquires. But my mouth just won't move, and I'm suffocating on his question. "Raven?"

"What do you want me to say?" I bite out. He tilts his head.

"The truth."

"The truth?" I mimic.

He rolls his eyes behind his mask, but his face is still concerned. "Yes. Please just tell me." I bite my lip.

"Robin," He nods. I continue. "If you really want me to be honest," I suck in a rather deep breath. "Beast boy is right."

"Beast boy...was...right?"

"Its hard to believe. I know."

"You..love me?"

"Its not real love, Robin." I force. "Its puppy love. It'll die if I let it."

I notice his frown deepen. Robin seems disappointed. And so do I. I just lied about my feelings, and I'm not proud of that fact. That's the last thing I proud of. Maybe I should tell him the truth...

...but he's leaning in to kiss my cheek. I want more than that. As his lips almost touch my cheek, I turn my face, and he meets my lips instead. His eyes widen, but soon narrow in relaxation. Its a very good feeling having his kiss and seeing that he isn't trying to pull away. He really isn't. I'm satisfied now. I've never been satisfied with myself before, but, its a super feeling. Wait..did I just say "super"? I must have lost my sarcastic touch. I can feel his hand grip onto my shoulder. The kiss deepens ever so slightly, and I'm finally getting rid of those unwanted feelings that have been playing in my head for so long. And besides, I've finally been released from that cage and I'm perched on that other bird's shoulder. Or rather his hand in perched on my mine. I've always tried to hide my feelings away from him and the rest of the world. And I guess that I couldn't do that anymore. Robin had accidentally picked up something he shouldn't have, but it was a happy accident. I have to admit, I felt ill when I first had to face him. But all I had to do was turn my head and I got the medicine I required. All it took was one look for the dream come true. And I'm happy that I'm allowed to dream. But this isn't a dream. It isn't a fantasy. Its reality, but it still doesn't seem real. Its too good to be true. If this kiss is a dream, don't wake me up. Let me slumber and I'll wake up when I'm ready. Because now the world looks perfect through my eyes.

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Author's Note: Well, my first bird fic. Hope you like. If you are wondering, Robin and Starfire did not have a fight. Please review!

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